Non Fat Jasty

You know, stupid people frustrate me. Especially when I’m the stupid one. However, I don’t think into blame for the never ending issues I have to deal with at work. I leave step by step instructions and lists and somehow at least half gets ignored. I spend too much of my time fighting fires and too little time being consultative. It’s frustrating. 

I spend too much time and money at Starbucks, but in some ways it’s worth it. Living on my own sometimes leads to me spending a lot of time in my own lil bubble. The brief stop and chat forces me to get out of that bubble for a bit. 

I’ve decided that I want to lose 20lbs before Tokyo. This may mostly be to enable a #tokyotwenty hashtag. I just need to be thin. So far, my motivation is back and doing well. 

Again, my goals are as follows:

Abstain from pizza and nachos. I’ve been clean since may 11. 

Start running again. 

Limit spending to cash. Reduce to 125 a week. 

Today: Amazing summer weather, a picture drawn on my coffee cup, get to return to training. 

I am very cranky today. Disgruntled is how I described it to the girl at Starbucks. I was up until 2AM trying to finish updating data that had errors and gaps and any issue you could imagine. Part of the reason I was up so late was technology was my enemy. I swore at and beat my computer mercilessly as a result.

I need to zen out a bit. I am too edgy, reactive and angry. I think I need a new job. This one just doesn’t do it anymore. 

I did make it to the gym and had a pleasant, but short time there. I also spoke with Curtis and Kelsey via Skype which was good too. Not sure why we don’t do that more often. 

I ate 2 rows of Birthday Cake Oreos as a result of my stress. They tasted damn good. They also used to belong to Hoops, but clearly not anymore. 

Dinner was an interesting experiment where I was to eat with no TV or other distraction on. I lasted 15 min before I gave up on eating all together. 

The Tron Legacy Reconstructed soundtrack is my fav thing in the world right now. There are a number of tracks which incite me to power walk and kinda give me a confidence boost. Likely because of the posture improvements it provokes. 

Still nacho, and pizza free. 

Sitting at Starbucks with nothing to do and time to kill. Clearly if I don’t “journal” now, I never will. 

I don’t know what to write. Life is pretty boring these days. Everything is routine. Not that it’s bad, it’s just blah. 

In anticipation of my Asia trip this summer, I’m trying to make a stronger effort to eat better. Really that just means no more full pizza bags of nacho dinners. That should be good enough though to start. 

Other fitness goals are to add running back into the mix. Which I’ll do gradually and at Wynn on the 2-3 days I go there (the other goal.). 

I’m continuing to meet with my life coach as we struggle to find meaning to my existence beyond passive couch potato. Sessions are going well, but I am still stuck in a shrug. What does that mean, who knows *shrug*. I am just clueless about what I value and what I want and how to get it. Anytime change is suggested, my gut says meh. 

Anyway, self awareness is our focus. Tuning out the noise and finding balance between the extremes I find myself. This week I need to cook for myself AND turn the TV off during the eating part. I can’t remember the last time I did that. I am also going to attempt to try yoga again. Remind me. 

Weather is great. Found a contact who might get me cheaper airfare. My coffee was prepared properly. 

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything on this blog of sorts. It’s New Years Eve and of course I’m feeling retrospective and somewhat nostalgic as I reflect on the year gone by. So, I thought I would write a post summarizing the highs and lows and other thoughts about what 2011 was to me.

I don’t fancy myself much of a writer. The pressure for perfect grammar for someone with such a limited grasp on proper English is just too much to bear. So, I tend towards lists, and you’ll find an assortment of them below. Some are more serious than others, but all reflect my personal reality of 2011.

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I got a surprisingly large credit card bill the other day. I was baffled how it got so high given I’ve only used it occasionally, so I thought. To figure things out, I went through the itemized list over the past 4 weeks to see exactly where my money was going. Some went to shopping, but the biggest shocker was how much money I spent on food. It was an eyeopener.

  PIZZA FAST FOOD STARBUCKS OTHER FOOD NOV $274.20 $31.68 $78.74 $116.02 % Chg 1057% 35% 219% -52%

With credit card receipts alone, my pizza consumption has gone up 1000%. At work, I would modify this to say >200% because it is too high to be real.

Wow.

For someone who is such an ass to most everyone, I’m pretty thin skinned. I’m not enjoying the slow adaptation to a life lived and spent mostly alone. I suppose I could hire more professionals to create forced interactions, but I ain’t made of money.

I find it hard to be motivated to adhere to a specific eating plan when the future I see is pretty bleak. I don’t look forward to growing old However, I’m positive I’ll die young, probably around 40 or so. Even so, I sometimes wish it would be sooner than later. For efficiencies.

Anyway, just in a funk. One bad 10 sec interaction is all it takes. Not sure what the purpose of this is.

Not sure why, but when I see other people be successful in their fitness goals, I just get defeated and want to give up. :s